The Best Grub In Denver

The Mile High City is most known for its lack of oxygen and stuck-up residents who inwardly look down upon anyone who's favorite state isn't Colorado. However, this wonderful city has several other wonderful aspects that are often forgotten, such as skiing, outdoorsy stuff, and 300 days of sunshine every year. Much like any large city on planet earth, Denver needs plenty of food options to support its thriving metropolis. I've taken it upon myself to perform a 6 year study on the eateries, restaurants, and grub joints in town so that I could provide a good survey for those with high food standards such as myself.

During year 1 of this study I discovered Denver's pride and joy when it comes to restaurant chains. No, not Quiznos, that place that refuses to make a cold sandwich. Denver's pride and joy is Chipotle Mexican Grill and I found it at the end of a 10 mile walk to the Denver capital. It's the best cheap mexican food out there and really should never be compared with places like Taco Bell, Del Taco, and Wahoo's Fish Tacos. I often look at the keywords that people use to get to this blog and I saw this today while looking at the keywords for the week:

Somebody had the audacity to seriously compare Chipotle to taco bell. I made the comparison a long time ago, but only in jest. One might compare Chipotle to Qdoba, however, thanks to Qdoba's queso burrito, but the simplicity of their menu, the lack of sticky rice, and the lack of sticky tortillas sets Chipotle far above their "rival."

Chipotle Mexican Grill

Best Dish: Steak burrito with black beans, fajitas, rice, pico de gallo, red salsa, sour cream, cheese, and lettuce.

Year 2 was a restaurant drought for me because I was poor.

Year 3 I was rich again and was introduced to Lebanese food for the first time. My roommates at the Den first introduced me to this wonderful restaurant called Ali Baba's after we stayed up all night working on a cardboard boat and then sank it in the morning in the frigid waters of Clear Creek. Their gyros and hummus were a great pick-me-up as we were all depressed about losing the race.

Alibaba Grill

Best Dish: Gyro with a side of hummus and pita bread.

One Sunday afternoon during year 4, my food research partner Jelly Roll and I worked up the courage to try the Asian restaurant next to Chipotle. This was very difficult since we loved Chipotle so much and we had become accustomed to frequenting it every Sunday for lunch. Nevertheless, we did try out Pei Wei Asian Diner and were pleasantly surprised. They have an amazing selection of asian food including Japanese, Chinese, Korean, and, my favorite, Thai. I've tried several of their dishes and most of them are phenomenal. Now James and I go to Pei Wei as often as we go to Chipotle, which says a lot about how good it is.

Pei Wei Asian Diner

Best Dish: Thai Coconut Curry

Eventually I made it to year 6, which was the best year for discovering new restaurants in the Denver area. I moved to a hispanic neighborhood, which is guaranteed good food, and my research group started going to lunch together every week. I found many new restaurants and loved most of them, but I'll only talk excessively about one of them. That one is the restaurant I fondly call "That One Mexican Restaurant On 1st and Knox." I've recently found out that it's actually called Los Molcajetes Tacqueria. You know this is a good Mexican restaurant because you have a 50/50 chance of needing to order in Spanish. It's exciting to try your luck! Their food is amazing and it's a nice, quiet, relaxed, family-owned restaurant. They also have several items on their menu that I've never heard of before, so there are plenty of opportunities to try your luck at this autentica tacqueria.

Los Molcajetes Tacqueria

Best Dish: Tortas

There are many more delicious restaurants, but I don't have the energy to write about all of them. Here are the honorable mentions.

The Alley, D' Deli, Woody's, The Sherpa House, Tuk Tuk, Paris on the Platte, Jose Oshea's, Tacos Y Salsas, and Tommyknocker Brewpub and Restaurant.

View this map for restaurant locations. You should try them all out and tell me about your favorite Denver restaurants.

Snacking...ALL DAY LONG!!!

The art of snacking is a very delicate one. We all want to have snacks at our desk at work that we can eat all day long. Really, who wouldn't want an infinite supply of food and drink that you could enjoy all 8 hours of the work day, then go home to another infinite supply that you can eat while doing whatever you do at home?

Some people's self-control amazes me. I know some people who can keep Little Debbie chocolate-peanut butter bars in their cabinet for months before they're done with them. I just don't understand people like that. I have nothing to say to them except, "Wow. Props."

If you're anything like me, snacks like candy bars, wheat thins, ice cream, orange juice, and other irresistible foods disappear in less than 48 hours. If I had a craving for Wheat Thins some day and I bought them in the morning, they would probably be gone by the end of the day if not, by 9:00am the next day. The problem is that they are irresistible for me. I have very little self-control when it comes to junk food. The only time I stop eating it is when I finally get tired of it (which can sometimes take a very long time) or when I run out.

So I came up with a solution, because I absolutely love snacking throughout the day. One day my supervisor was at my desk with me and noticed my "Hint of Salt" Triscuits. He was a bit taken aback because Triscuits aren't exactly the most tasty cracker out there and when you take most of the salt out, they're even less tasty. The way I solved my problem of eating too much junk food was by buying food that tastes boring enough that I can stop eating it before eating half the box. My three snacks that I have regularly are "Hint of Salt" Triscuits, Unsalted Almonds, and Carrots. None of these particularly taste that amazing, so that makes them the perfect snack.

• Triscuits, even though they are whole wheat, they're not perfectly healthy. They still have lots of carbs, so they aren't exactly good for me if I'm sitting around, not burning them. But I am able to eat the Triscuits in small enough quantities that they aren't bad for me.
• Unsalted Almonds. I could actually eat these forever, but they are the most healthy of all the nuts, so it's okay. Low fat, high protein, no sodium. And they're just the right amount of sweetness for me to enjoy them. The only thing that really keeps me from eating an entire can of almonds every day is that they're so darn expensive.
• Carrots are so good for you that once I start eating them, I allow myself to eat and eat and eat till I'm tired of carrots or until my coworkers start complaining about the loud chomping. I'm hoping for good eyesight and orangish skin since that's the trend these days with tanning salons and whatnot.

So take heart, fellow snackers! You don't have to wallow in guilt for eating boxes and boxes of irresistible snacks. You don't have to sit in starvation and boredom, wishing you had something to snack on. Just eat boring foods. It's much better than not eating anything and makes you feel less guilty than eating way too much junk food.

How to Make Tacos

When I cook, I only have about 5 different dishes I ever make regularly. One of my favorites is tacos. I used to use taco seasoning to season the meat, but due to lack of taco seasoning I started seasoning the meat on my own and I absolutely love the tacos that I make now. Here's how to make them.

1. Cook a half of a pound of ground beef. Don't overcook it and leave enough fat in there to keep it from getting dry. Add water if you need more moisture.
2. Salt-Add until it's salty enough.
   
3. Chili Powder-Add until it looks pretty. Pretty looking meat is extremely important.
   
4. Paprika-Add whatever feels right.
   
5. Cayenne Pepper-Make it more spicy than you think you should make it.
6. Assemble tacos using soft flour tortillas (I learned that fried corn tortillas are far superior, thanks to Bill E., but require more time and effort), lettuce, tomatoes, onions, salsa, Mexican style sour cream (it's significantly better than the regular stuff), and lots of cheese (in the style of Jelly Roll Morton).
7. Fold taco in half like a hard shell taco and eat.
8. Let whoever you cooked for do the cleaning. If you did a good job, they'll be glad to do this.

These are delicious and I'm actually very proud of these tacos. Let me know if you actually try it out. I'd be ecstatic if somebody actually used my recipe.

Contemplating the meaning of Food

Yesterday, while I was cooking dinner, Nanna (The little girl's nickname, whom I live with I live) was not in the best mood. She had steak, potatoes, and green beans for dinner and she didn't want it. She got through the steak and potatoes okay, but it took her a good 15 minutes to eat her green beans. It was really funny because she acted a lot like I used to act.

I used to be picky. Pretty sure I was the pickiest out of all the Banks kids. Believe it or not, I never ate potatoes except for french fries because I thought I didn't like them. I never ate beans because I thought I didn't like them. And, of course, I hated most vegetables, oh and ranch dressing. Looking back, I realize that I could have enjoyed life much more if I wasn't so picky. Perhaps my taste buds changed a little bit, but I don't think they changed that much.

It's hard to tell why I was so picky. It doesn't make much sense at all, because a lot of the food I "disliked" was really good food. I was just afraid to taste new food. Vegetables are a completely different story, because they actually don't taste good (no I don't consider beans and potatoes vegetables). I don't understand why I was picky, but I am no longer picky, for the most part.

Food is awesome. I remember one time we got free food at some band event and I expressed my excitement for the free food to somebody I was next too. He dryly responded by saying, "Yeah, free beer is better than free food, though." Of course, I politely laughed and lied by saying Very True, but inside I was thinking, Really? Food is amazing and there is a reason most people consume more food than they consume alcohol. Because it is satisfying and delicious. (Don't try to contradict me by saying that it's necessary for survival. You know you love it)

If I didn't know better, I would snack on Wheat Thins all day long, every single day. I would also have ice cream or pie or cheese cake for desert after both lunch and dinner every day. Unfortunately I do know better, so I've chosen to eat slightly less addicting things, usually. I really love to be able to eat whenever I want to, but I don't like it when I can't stop eating. Like the several times I ate an entire box of Wheat Thins for dinner... or the several times I ate a carton of ice cream in 2 days, by myself.

No, I eat whenever I want to, but my snacks that I keep at hand are usually things like almonds, cheese, and low sodium Triscuits. These are decent tasting foods, except cheese, which is phenomenal, and they're all moderately healthy. They taste good enough that they satisfy me, but I am able to stop eating them before I eat a meal's worth of calories. All this does not mean I don't have a sixth of a pumpkin pie in my fridge that I bought 2 days ago. It just means that I occasionally have the self-control to not eat that stuff.

When you eat healthy, your stomach is just as happy as if you ate unhealthily, but your taste buds are not quite satisfied. Healthy eating also leads to a happy conscience, knowing that you're taking care of yourself. Unhealthy eating satisfies the belly and the taste buds. And if you do it right, you can ignore the guilt that comes with how poorly you're treating your organs with all that fat, carbs, and salt. It's usually hard to ignore the guilt for long, so in the end, you only satisfy your belly and your taste buds.

Since both healthy eating and unhealthy eating benefit 2 out of three of the categories of happiness, then they are both equally valid as far as being immediately happy goes...But this assumes that the stomach, taste buds, and conscience all carry the same weight for producing happiness. Since both methods of eating satisfy the stomach equally, we need to look closer at the taste buds and the conscience.

Taste buds produce an immediate satisfaction. This is extremely appealing because whenever you go to Woodies, you know that all you have to do is eat a bite of pizza and within milliseconds you will be happy with the taste. Most of us don't especially enjoy waiting for satisfaction, so taste satisfaction has a very strong appeal.

For those of you who get immediate satisfaction out of eating healthy, props. But for us mortals, we don't usually have a very strong satisfaction immediately when we eat something healthy. However, we know that healthy food helps us be healthy and in the long run will likely help us live a better life. Healthy food prevents high blood pressure, heart disease, and all kinds of other things that are no fun to go through. Since these benefits are typically far in the future it takes, foresight, wisdom, and self-control to eat healthy. An alternative method would be to live in a closed community where all people ate was healthy food, so you never would know what unhealthy food was like. My parents attempted doing this for me and my siblings by feeding us fruit for dessert, but we eventually convinced them to give us unhealthy food...Buahaha!

Self-control is a really important ability and is useful in countless situations. The main reason it is so important is because we are constantly faced with the choice of choosing immediate satisfaction or long-term satisfaction. Immediate satisfaction is not always bad (Like when I decided to warm up my cold hands on my bike ride today), but can often be the foolish choice (like food).

Chipotle vs. Qdoba vs. Taco Bell

Mexican food is, undeniably, the best food on the face of the earth. Secondly, no matter how long humans survive on this planet, there will always be cheap people who don't want to pay for a sit-down Mexican meal. Thirdly, the majority of the human race is lazy and doesn't want to cook delicious Mexican food every day. Fourthly, Mexican food is hard to really cook right unless you somehow know what you're doing. Therefore, we, as cheap, lazy, and unskilled, people of Earth, are left with 3 choices worth noting: Chipotle, Qdoba, and Taco Bell.

But which one to choose, you say. Well, I'm about to tell you which one to choose. Have some patience. You must choose wisely lest you look like a fool, being found at the wrong burrito joint. The criteria that I will set forth for determining which burrito joint to choose includes Taste, Texture, and Authenticity.

Growing up in Alaska, the only cheap mexican food I had ever had was Taco Bell. It was one of my favorite fast food places, even above McDonalds, believe it or not. When you hear taco bell, we all know what you're thinking. Absolutely delicious undisclosed objects within a tortilla. You know what 2 very mexican things Taco Bell reminds me of? Chorizo and Barbacoa. I've only had authentic Chorizo once in my life. It was technically New Mexican, but close enough. It was amazing! Ridiculously amazing. Chorizo is made from all kinds of random pig parts that I don't even want to inquire about. Barbacoa, which means Barbecued, was originally prepared from goat's head and sometimes cow's head. Sounds great huh? In the same fashion, Taco Bell has embraced this Mexican idea of eating strange meats that you don't want to ask about. Therefore, Taco Bell is in the running for the Most Authentic Award.

Now, since I've been away from Alaska, the state has moved up in the world. Anchorage now has a Qdoba. Have you ever fed a dog peanut butter? It's the most hilarious thing you can do to a dog and it can either be considered cruel or extremely kind. Dogs absolutely love peanut butter, but the problem is, they have poor skills in moving food around their mouth. The peanut butter gets stuck to the roof of their mouth and it bothers them like nothing else. They have this amazingly delicious substance stuck in their mouth, but it's stuck on the roof of their mouth and they can't eat it. They eventually get it, but only after much effort. This is the closest parallel I can think of for Qdoba. Their food tastes good. It's different from Chipotle and Taco Bell, but the taste is good. The texture is what sets Qdoba apart. They absolutely are obsessed with Sticky. Sticky tortillas and sticky rice. Now, sticky is not my preference. The tortillas stick to the roof of a mouth like a dog eating peanut butter and the rice is just gooey. This texture makes the eating of a Qdoba burrito less than optimal. Qdoba's pride and joy, however, is the Queso Burrito. Even Qdobas strongest opponents often say that Qdoba is gross, but their Queso Burrito is Okay. I used to be one of these Qdoba haters, but I was converted to a Qdoba-is-okayer after tasting the queso burrito. For this reason, Qdoba is in the running for the Cheesiest Burrito award.

Freshman year of college I walked all the way from Golden to the capital building in Denver. That's about 13 miles. I did it as part of the Ore Cart Pull, which is an E-days tradition at Colorado School of Mines. This is an arduous trek, full of ghetto streets with large pavement cracks and cars passing at 30mph. Many people can't make the entire walk without stopping at multiple bars to take shots. And some people have so much difficulty, they have to take a Camelback full of gin and tonic to help ease the pain of the 13 mile walk. You can imagine that I am extremely proud to say that I made the walk 3 out of 5 of the years I was at Mines without a single drop of alcohol in my system (although I often had residual sassafras and sugar from an overdose of root beer which certainly helped). Those other 2 years were spent in bed because I was too lazy to go on the walk. Well freshman year, we made it after running for an entire mile to the capital. For some reason people think it's epic to run the last mile of the walk. I was dead when I got there, but I was greated with the most wonderful gift the ole' school of Mines has gifted me: A Chipotle Burrito. Yes, this is a better gift than my diploma and even my master's hood that I'll surely sew onto my black Target hoodie after graduation. Chipotle has the perfect inexpensive burrito. It tastes amazing and has amazing texture. I really don't have much to say about it. It's not incredibly authentic, but it's amazing.

It should be quite clear that my recommendation for inexpensive burritos would be Chipotle (or Chipoltee if your name is Jelly Roll). While Qdoba is incredibly Cheesy and Taco Bell is undeniably authentic, Chipotle's burritos win the award of Best Inexpensive Burrito Ever. Out of all of the combinations you can have, their best, in my opinion has the following in it: Black Beans (Frijoles Negros), Fajitas(Fajitas), Barbacoa (non traditional), Pico De Gallo (Rooster Beak), Green Chili (Chili Verde), Monterey Jack Cheese (Queso), and Lettuce (Lechuga).

Challenge of the day: Go eat a chipotle burrito and then run a mile. It's called the Burrito Mile.

Why is food soo darn good!!!!!!-Where I pose a challenge!!

This morning, I was looking at restaurants on facebook for no good reason and looked at the top restaurants in facebook. Get this, McDonalds has the #1, #3, and #4 positions. If you assume that nobody is in more than one facebook mcdonalds fan club that comes to 1,656,606 fans of McDonalds on Facebook.

I'm sure you have all seen those groups trying to get one million people to join. When I first saw one of those I figured, sure we could build a group with a million people to join, but after time i realized it's more difficult than it sounds. After seeing McDonalds on facebook I now know that it takes a ridiculous amount of time and money to be that popular.

Anyways, on to the real reason I wanted to write this note. Except for a rare few, it seems like nobody actually likes McDonalds (at least is seemed so). My friends and I always chose chipotle or subway over McDonalds unless it's too late for those places (in which case we would choose burger king over mcdonalds). Facebook has shown me that in fact people really do like McDonalds. Even though it's food is greasy, low quality, unhealthy in general, and not that great tasting.

I always thought that McDonalds was just everybody's deep dark secret. I knew that they are the biggest food company in the world so they must be getting their money from somewhere (cuz I try my darndest to avoid going there so I'm definitely not contributing).

Mmmmm grease

In my 21 years of existence I have noticed a few things about food and I shall describe it using this equation:

ArcTan(Carbs+Fat+Salt)=Happiness

This can be seen in foods such as gooey butter cakes, cookies, frosting, pizza, hamburgers, french fries, hash browns, creme brulette (sorry kalen for butchering the spelling) as well as my favorite...sugar coated butter sticks. Some people might argue that meat should be included in the equation, but I would argue that you get your happiness from the fat that is in the meat (or other flavoring) and not actually from the meat itself.

I will now explain graphically my theory relating carbs, fat, and salt to happiness. Since I don't know how to graph in 4D I'm going to simplify the equation by ignoring salt, but you can imagine that salt has a similar effect on happiness. Here is the plot relating carbs, fat and happiness:

You can see that happiness increases with increased amounts of carbs and fat. Makes sense huh? The plot does flatten out eventually, which means that Marginal Utility for eating more fat and carbs gets lower with the more food you eat. We have all seen this when we go to our favorite pizza place and after 8 pieces or so it's just not as enjoyable per piece.

Now some of you huge nerds may say, "Wait a second, ArcTan approaches pi/2 as carbs and fat go to infinity. Therefore,true happiness must occur at pi/2 units of utility" To that I would respond, "Ah very astute of you young padwan. That is a good guess, but true happiness actually occurs at 1.4 units of utility" So I challenge you reader if you think that carbs and fat (and salt) can give you true happiness, go ahead and see if you can reach true happiness. Just don't sue me when you get a heart attack.

For those of you who are up to the challenge, I have graphed my happiness plot (orangish) next to the plane of true happiness(blue).

We will assume that the plane of true happiness is at 1.4 units of utility. If you eat equal amounts of carbs and fat (in arbitrary units) you should achieve true happiness at 2.89894 units of carbs and fat.

In my 21 years of existence I have not achieved true happiness by eating so I suspect that I have not eaten 2.89894 units of carbs and fat. Please let me know if you have achieved true happiness by this method for it would give me great joy to see if my theory is true.

As a side note, I believe that if you actually eat good food (not McDonalds), you can approach the plane of true happiness at a faster rate. I am looking for a few adventurous risk takers who would be up to the challenge of comparing good foods like Chipotle to bad foods like McDonalds and seeing which one leads to true happiness in less time.

Happy Eating!

The Burraco

With the help of Lexi and James, I have a new idea for a mexican food. It's called the burraco. It is a hybrid of the burrito and taco. It is similar to a soft taco since it is wrapped with a tortilla and has no beans. This food will have delicious looking meat, cheese, and vegetables on the very outside edge but on the inside all you will find is rice. The basic idea is that it looks amazing from the outside but once you take a bite you realize it's not that great.

The price of this food at a restaurant is dependent on the customer's income. Rich people will pay a large percentage of their total income and the poor will pay a small percentage of their total income.

Restaurants that serve this food will be required to provide medical attention to all those who choke on the burraco. All customers will be treated equally in their medical needs. But since the restaurants gain no benefit for providing this service, customers will receive low-quality care. Since medical care will be complimentary, many customers will submit requests for medical attention for trivial illnesses and injuries. This will evidently lead to long lines and will force those who are actually dying from the food to wait in line for treatment.

Bon appetit!